🕵️♂️ The Landlord That Thinks He’s CIA
Renting in Abuja isn’t just a transaction, it’s a whole action film. From patrol whistles to “we are watching you” compound meetings, welcome to the drama.
🏡 Section 1: "Baba Inspector" in Wuse
Amaka’s Story (Wuse 2):
“My landlord did morning patrols like he was securing Aso Rock. One morning at 6 a.m., he knocked to ask why I used two buckets to wash clothes when one should be enough. That’s when I knew this man took his role too seriously.”
And yes , he had a whistle. If your gen made noise, he’d blow it like FRSC at Area 1 junction. 😩
🔌 Section 2: Generator Surveillance Expert
“My landlord said my gen was too strong for a one-bedroom. He accused me of using it to run a cybercrime ring. I said I work remote. He replied, ‘That’s how Yahoo boys start. Everybody’s suddenly working from home.’” Boil water with electric kettle? Problem. Run gen for three hours? Knock on the door:
“Hope you’re not powering freezer and heater together?” Oga, make I dey fan myself with rechargeable torch?:
🛏️ Section 3: Bedroom Behavior Monitoring
🚪 Section 4: The “I Was Just Passing” Entry
Unannounced visits are a lifestyle here.
Tobi’s Story (Lokogoma):
“My landlord would randomly show up and say, ‘I was just passing by.’ Next thing, he’s asking why I buy sardine every week and whether I’m saving for anything in life.”
Another time he came to ‘pray for the house’ — ended up in my kitchen judging my seasoning choices. I started hiding my groceries like contraband.
📃 Section 5: Tenants’ Rights? LOL
Funmi’s Story (Lugbe):
“I changed my curtain. My landlord said I didn’t ask for permission. I told him I pay rent. He said, ‘And I own the ground you walk on.’”
Some Abuja landlords believe they’re monarchs. But for the record:
- You have the right to peace, privacy, and personal space.
- They can’t enter your apartment without notice or permission, unless it’s an emergency.
- You’re allowed to have visitors, it’s not a boarding school.
If things get out of hand, Tenancy Tribunals and FCT Mediation Centres exist. Just don’t expect magic when you say, “I know my rights”, this is Abuja, not Supreme Court.
🧾 Section 6: Everything is Your Fault
Click to expand different excuses landlords use
You overloaded the socket.
You flushed too hard.
Maybe you’re washing like you’re running a laundry business.
🎭 7. When the Landlord Lives Next Door
“I ordered suya. Before I entered the gate, landlord shouted, ‘You’ve started your party lifestyle again!’ Sir, it’s grilled meat. Not an engagement party.”
With a landlord next door, forget late-night music, frying plantain, or receiving deliveries without getting serious side-eye.
🤷🏾♂️ Why Are Abuja Landlords Like This?
Simple: Control + Ego.
In Abuja, owning land means you’ve “made it.” So many landlords walk around like they’re running for Senate. For older ones, tenants are still seen as children under their supervision.
But modern tenants? We just want peace, Wi-Fi, and zero nonsense. That’s where the drama begins.
✅ How to Handle a “CIA” Landlord in Abuja
If you’re dealing with a nosy or power-drunk landlord, here’s how to survive:
- 📜 Know your rights. Read that tenancy agreement, don’t just sign because the place has POP ceilings and fresh paint.
- 🗣️ Be clear but respectful. Talk your talk, but do it respectfully. Always keep receipts.
- 📸 Document everything. Photos, messages, voice notes, gather your evidence.
- 🧑🏽⚖️ If necessary, escalate. FCT Housing Tribunal and legal support exist for a reason. Use them.
📢 Final Word: If You’ve Never Suffered Landlord Wahala in Abuja, You’re Lucky 😅
💬 CALL TO ACTION:
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